The End Game

cover-2 - bi-line periods

By James Barrow


Cardiologist Robert Peterson wins what he thinks is a free cruise on a luxury yacht owned by billionaire mogul Bradley Rand. Peterson invites his long time and long distance ‘girlfriend’ Alexis Williams. They plan to discuss their relationship and develop it into something closer and long lasting. However, Rand has his own plans. Plans for retribution for an incident that happened years before.

Okay, this looked like a pretty good thriller. However, as the story went along I kept waiting for the thriller part.


Alexis Williams: attorney, graduated University of British Columbia Law School, part of a foundation to help children in need, shoulder length dark hair, has a sister

Robert Peterson: 6’2”, head of cardiology, chairs the Child Care Fund, attended University of Toronto Medical School, father was a doctor, owns a Land Rover and a Mercedes

Bradley Rand: owns a yacht, owns Rand Holding Corp., dark hair with a touch of gray, deep dark eyes, grandfather bought real estate, drives a Bentley, parents dead, had a brother

Eric Bannenberg: yacht captain

Francois Durand: chef

There is an overload of information about characters. Too much on the minor characters that are seen for one or two chapters. A lawyer, a doctor, and a mogul are the main three and they’re okay, but they’re so introspective and deep…it’s just too much to take in. The character development from point A to point B is just too long.


Problems with the beginning sentence following the identity of the speaker and with the continuation of dialogue after tag line in that the first word is not capitalized when it should be. Some of the conversations sound like speeches to be given to an audience rather than the normal way people talk with each other. Too much lofty prose in the talk. All of the characters talk like this so there are no individual voices.

Other conversations sound like deep think tank discussion groups.

When the danger is imminent the dialogue is like obeying the Queensberrry rules. It’s too formal and not how one would speak in a tense situation.


A lot of flowing prose. POV jumps within a scene tend to be a bit jolting. Pieces of sentences set after dialogue that need to be a separate sentence. Some misspelled words. Missing punctuation. Very little profanity.

This is a long and drawn out story I kept expecting something to happen but there was no foreshadowing, no intimation when or if anything would develop. Nearly the entire book is introspection, deep philosophical discussion, and revealing information about the three characters.

It’s a psychological thriller but again, there’s too much walking around in the minds of these people, too much talking, and not enough physical action to offset it. By the time any tension and suspense shows, I was ready for the story just to end.

With the obvious mistakes in grammar and punctuation, I have to go with:

Yellow Belt



Posted on November 24, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: