Mama Cried


By Talia Haven


Little Jenny is enjoying her friends, her puppies, and the playground. Soon a monitor arrives and leads Jenny to a strange room. There, Jenny must witness an event, and make a decision that will affect others.

Okay, this is a short story and though it may seem like a children’s book, it’s not. Something about the blurb caught my attention even though it was a short story. Something tugged at me and I had to take a chance. I’m glad I did. I cannot reveal too much of the plot without playing spoiler. Just rest assured, this is one is a little eerie, a little sad, and tugs at the ol’ heartstrings.


Jenny: brown hair, owns puppies

Christa: owns puppies

Jamal: owns puppies

Theodore James Moore III: gray streaked hair, blue eyes, imprisoned

Azula: playground guardian

Not much description of the characters, but I don’t think much is needed here. You know the role each plays.


A couple tag lines that were capitalized. A couple tag lines that aren’t tag lines but action words. A couple errors of commas before dialogue that probably should be periods and periods where there should be commas. Theodore’s and Mama’s voices come through.


First person present tense from Jenny’s POV.

Some punctuation errors with semi-colons and ellipses. A couple capitalization errors. A couple misspelled words.

I was a bit confused when first meeting Theodore because it was such a shift and I didn’t quite understand at first. I also was wondering just what decision Jenny had to make, right up to the end when it was made.

Okay, this took me about ten minutes to read, and some may read it faster. But, there is a lot going on here and I commend the author’s imagination for creating an interesting and compelling story. I wish she had received a bit more editing before publishing. I tend to notice errors and one or two in a novel might be okay, but in a short, it’s very important to make sure everything is perfect in punctuation/spelling, etc.

So, I have to reduce the rank a bit and I wish I didn’t because the story is very good.

My Rank:

Green Belt



Posted on November 16, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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