Kindred Intentions

KIcover-ebook2-600

By Rita Carla Francesca Monticelli

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http://www.amazon.com/Kindred-Intentions-Carla-Francesca-Monticelli-ebook/dp/B01DOF14DE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1461713383&sr=8-1&keywords=kindred+intentions

Plot

Somebody is killing London lawyers. When Amelia Jennings goes undercover at an attorney’s office, she finds herself in a gun fight in the waiting room. Soon, she’s kidnapped, but rescued by Mike Connor, who also had a hand in the opening battle. Who is he? What’s his story? Can Mike and Amelia survive when they become the hunted? Can Amelia fight her feelings of attraction?

Nice premise and it doesn’t hurt that the action starts on page one. A romantic suspense with action throughout.

Characters

Amelia Jennings: cop, brown hair, son is dead, divorced

Mike Connor: wears glasses, blue eyes, former covert operative

Yep, that’s right, two characters. Okay, there are a couple others but who cares? The others aren’t involved long enough to make an impression. Actually, I wasn’t impressed by the main characters because they aren’t described very well. Amelia is attracted to Mike but that was a given. His attractive nature isn’t shown. Neither is Amelia’s. I don’t ‘see’ enough of them in a mental image to get close to them. Part of the reason for that is below.

Dialogue

A lot of non-contractions during dialogue. Enough so that it felt wrong.

Writing

Here is where the problems really show up. First off, there is profanity. Now, I don’t mind it in a story if it’s necessary and natural. In this book, however, I don’t think the F word is needed and whenever used, sounds forced.

This is a shorter book (my pub file was only 145 pages) which is fine, but this story could have been longer and drawn out.

There were several ‘ly‘ adverbs.

Way too many sentences started with ‘She’. There are entire paragraphs where ‘She’ starts every sentence.

Which leads me into the next weakness: too much telling and not enough showing. There’s action, but hardly any emotion is shown from Amelia. It’s distant narrator when it should be inside-her-head-narrator showing injuries, fear, exhaustion, lust.

This weak writing of telling is prevalent throughout with such sentences as:

– He pushed her in a rude way.

– He arranged her hair behind her ears with a caring gesture.

– He cleared his throat in a forced way.

Getting back to the length of the book, the explanations were near the end, but with a longer book, they could have been drawn out more, hinted at, foreshadowed. Some of them didn’t make sense. Amelia is kidnapped, questioned by the bad guys, is knocked unconscious, and wakes up in an empty room out in the middle of nowhere. The explanation for this is told, but it doesn’t make sense because of the ‘coincidence’ of Mike showing up soon after. There is a twist to the plot that is interesting, and even though there are no misspelled words, there are some punctuation flubs. I thought of Camouflage, but taken as a whole, I have to drop this to:

Yellow Belt

Yellow

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Posted on May 23, 2016, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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