By Mike Uva
A film crew’s latest project and lives in danger when they find themselves trapped in a hostile Middle East country. Can they use their skills to escape?
Interesting plot and I like the premise and the creativity.
John: assistant director, Australian
Peter Miley: director, white hair in a pony tail, 40s, tanned, South African
Bob: booking agent, Chinese-American
Kim: part of the film crew
Several others, most without last names or descriptions and they were lost in the shuffle. Didn’t quite understand the multitude of different ancestries because they didn’t add to the story and weren’t a factor in the plot. Several of the film crew sounded alike and I found it difficult distinguishing roles.
Ditto the last sentence in the voices. Even the Arabs didn’t sound Arabic. All the conversations were in italics. Why? Tag lines that can’t be tag lines. Jihad nods, “…” Nods is an action, not a verbalization. One tag had a character screak. I don’t know what that means. The tone of voice is mentioned a lot when the scene itself should relate that.
Titled sections which, for the most part, weren’t needed. Especially when one section is titled Hotel-Evening and the only sentence is: The crew vans pull away from the hotel that evening.
Distant narrator. Mostly telling and no showing. Action and drama abound, but there are no emotions or tension or pain shown.
What country are we in for most of the book? It’s never mentioned, although I assume it borders Israel since their air force comes into play late in the book.
No real descriptions of scene or setting
Weak writing: He speaks with a South African foreign accent. Well, it wouldn’t be foreign to a South African. The word ‘foreign’ isn’t needed.
Weak writing: something ‘can be seen’ as if there was obstruction but no indication that there was.