The Remote Viewer

cover

By Mark A. McCormick

https://www.amazon.com/Remote-Viewer-Fall-Brotherhood-ebook/dp/B01I9U0OMQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1473469406&sr=8-1&keywords=the+remote+viewer

Plot

After Jonas Lux is informed his family has been murdered, he takes a turn for the worse. Rescued by a psychiatrist, he is soon recruited by a shadowy government group. For little does Jonas realize, he has an amazing gift – that of remote viewing. And he will be tested beyond imagination as he is soon in a battle against terrorists.

I had hoped to be wowed by this book because I am interested in the topic of remote viewing. Although a nice premise, this book is fraught with errors and, in time, loses its sensibility.

Characters

Jonas Lux: remote viewer, 30s, 6’, brown hair, muscular, probation officer and bondsman, stock car racer

Clermont W. Crawford: Retired USAF Major, deep raspy voice

Stanley White: Lux’s boss

Cayce Markham: psychiatrist, 5’6”, blonde, green eyes

Kyle Mahoney: large frame, bald, mustache

Aaron ‘Doc’ Dias: doctor, short, balding, high pitched voice

Mohammad Oman Islami: owns a yacht

There are a few other characters including the bad guy in Oman’s employ. I didn’t mind the characters but they weren’t explored or used deeply enough. What does Lux’s enjoying stock car racing have to do with the story?

Dialogue

Major problems here.

– tag line that aren’t tag lines: …” Cayce shyly blushed. That’s not a tag. That’s an action.

– not in the book but an example of a constant error: “I’m going to the store.” He said.

– Internal thoughts and dialogue are unnatural and confusing with real dialogue

– too many people bellow and shout

– two people in the scene so: he shouted at him- is not necessary

– missing or incorrect punctuation in dialogue

– said out loud or shouted out loud was used too much

Writing

Titled chapters. Some profanity.

A lot of telling and not a lot of showing. I wanted to see the training Lux went through to hone his skills. There was a scene where Dias is telling Crawford about a potential problem with Lux if his emotions aren’t checked. But this should have been shown, not just told about. And the problem never really manifested itself. Other aspects of the RV came to be important.

Tense problems

Continuity problem: In one scene Oman arrives at his South American Ranch. A few pages later, he is calling his ranch from some west African island with no explaining how he arrived there.

As I said, the premise was interesting. A bad guy is placing atomic EMP devices all over the country. Unfortunately, one leaks and he gets sick…for three weeks. And the RV people can’t find him during those three weeks? What was happening during those weeks? Actually, it was a month since the next scene showed another week had passed.

When Jonas goes rogue, only one RV is looking for him. Really? I would think Crawford would have most of the team on the job not only to find Jonas but the bad guys.

Bit by bit, the story fell apart and became unbelievable. I wanted to really get into the RV part of it, see and feel what Lux was experiencing. But it was mostly surface. Weak dialogue in places and weak writing layered throughout.

My Rank:

Orange Belt

Orange

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Posted on September 26, 2016, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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